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Sometimes it is hard to talk about what God is teaching me. This is one of those times.
For the last several weeks God has been dealing with me and my anger. Yes, I struggle with anger. There I said it. I have struggled with it for a long time. It is what was modeled for me in my home growing up. Please do not misunderstand me. I am not here to blame my parents for my actions. I take full responsibility for my anger and the trouble it’s caused. Passing the blame off to my parents is never going to allow room for God to come in and change my heart.
Not only that, but my anger has been a way to protect myself. I was deceived into thinking that anger would protect me from all the hurts in life. I get angry and my walls go up. In the process I hurt those around me. These walls keep out God and the people who love me. I am trying to learn to let the Lord be my protector and let Him fight my battles for me.
Where is all of this coming from? Well, I read Lysa TerKeurst’s blog post today, which reminded of the fact that I am a reactor and not a responder. Do you want to know what you are? Click here to find out.
I might be a reactor now, but that does not mean that I will be like this my entire life. I have been reading From Anger to Intimacy, because I am tired of letting anger rule my life. I want God to be able to have full authority over this area of my life, even if it kills me!
I have been reading through Proverbs in my quiet time. I am so glad that God uses His word to tell me exactly what I need to hear. I really like Proverbs 15:1 that speaks about gentleness. “A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.” I’ve been trying to live this out, but it takes a long time to unlearn one habit and replace it with another.
Please pray for me and that God will continue to work in my life to make me a responder instead of a reactor. Pray that He will give me a gentle spirit that honors Him.
That's what God is teaching me, what is He teaching you?
1 comment:
My older brother was "born angry" according to our parents. We never had it modeled for us, and so we never learned to do conflict resolution, so there are downs to being raised both ways. Now, my brother and I are both adopted (from different bio parents) and we both deal with the abandonment different ways. I became VERY independent; he became very angry. But now that he's in his mid 30's, he's got a handle on it. Turns out all that anger was covering a very sensative heart! So while he was throwing temper tantrums and raising his voice as a child, I was learning that it's not okay to do that.
But (a few years of therapy later) I learned that it IS okay to do that! Not the "temper tantrum" part, but it's okay to express that we're mad.
The Bible talks about "righteous anger" often so it's not a BAD thing, when it's for the right reason.
When I was first divorced, I found myself at once very grateful to God for freeing me from a relationship filled with suspicion. I could finally breath and in some ways a weight had been lifted. Yet I was mad at Him because I did everything right leading up to the marriage, stayed pure and all that. When we were struggling, I got us counseling, etc, yet didn't work out. I didn't know that scrapping those old dreams and starting over at square 1 was the best thing for me, but I think it's okay to be mad. Righteous anger (adultry ended the marriage) also allowed me to seek comfort from God. Understanding that God loved my ex was hard though - and I was mad in my lack of ability to understand that. See, I think God can handle us being angry from time to time, just like a parent can. God understands anger, however, just like our parents do, He loves us anyway and forgives us for it.
I guess the key for me is, even though I get angry, take 2 steps back:
Step 1)Evaluate the reason I'm angry. Is it something worth this much effort, energy, emotion? Is it righteous and honest?
2) What am I going to do to resolve the situation?
And do our best to make sure it doesn't drive those who love us away.
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