Sometimes it is hard to talk about what God is teaching me. This is one of those times.
For the last several weeks God has been dealing with me and my anger. Yes, I struggle with anger. There I said it. I have struggled with it for a long time. It is what was modeled for me in my home growing up. Please do not misunderstand me. I am not here to blame my parents for my actions. I take full responsibility for my anger and the trouble it’s caused. Passing the blame off to my parents is never going to allow room for God to come in and change my heart.
Not only that, but my anger has been a way to protect myself. I was deceived into thinking that anger would protect me from all the hurts in life. I get angry and my walls go up. In the process I hurt those around me. These walls keep out God and the people who love me. I am trying to learn to let the Lord be my protector and let Him fight my battles for me.
Where is all of this coming from? Well, I read Lysa TerKeurst’s blog post today, which reminded of the fact that I am a reactor and not a responder. Do you want to know what you are? Click here to find out.
I might be a reactor now, but that does not mean that I will be like this my entire life. I have been reading From Anger to Intimacy, because I am tired of letting anger rule my life. I want God to be able to have full authority over this area of my life, even if it kills me!
I have been reading through Proverbs in my quiet time. I am so glad that God uses His word to tell me exactly what I need to hear. I really like Proverbs 15:1 that speaks about gentleness. “A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.” I’ve been trying to live this out, but it takes a long time to unlearn one habit and replace it with another.
Please pray for me and that God will continue to work in my life to make me a responder instead of a reactor. Pray that He will give me a gentle spirit that honors Him.
That's what God is teaching me, what is He teaching you?